How to get out of the situation if your partner doesn’t have the same temperaments in sex
He wants morning sex, and she has morning coffee. She has enough intimacy several times a month, and he is ready for love victories every day. In one form or another, almost every couple faces intimate dissonance. How to separate quite ordinary difficulties from a serious conflict of temperaments and what to do in various cases of “mismatch” .
In everyday life, any discrepancies between sexual rhythms and desires are often blamed on the popular “they did not agree with temperaments.” However, in reality, the causes of such problems are much more varied and not often associated with innate sexual needs.
Temperament, or the innate level of sexuality, determines our natural needs for sex. A person can change attitudes, partners, and any other living conditions, but the frequency of sexual contacts he needs remains constant. That is why the most stable unions are those in which the temperament of the partners initially coincides. Of course, if the differences are small, and in a couple of healthy relationships, it is quite possible to find a compromise. But if once a month is enough for you, and your loved one wants at least four times a week, then you should hardly expect that you will be satisfied with a similar rhythm or he will switch to permanent self-service. Is it possible to determine at the beginning of a relationship, how much your temperaments coincide? Of course. It is enough to speak frankly about your needs and desires.
Quick, spontaneous sex is the norm for most men and a test for many women. The thing is that the female cycle of sexual response is initially much longer, so “quickly” often ends with the discharge of a man and, at best, the dissatisfaction of a girl. A similar problem is found in pairs everywhere, but in contrast to the real difference of temperaments, it is successfully solved. For example, you can ask a partner to spend more time on foreplay, or bring you to orgasm in other ways. And ideally, do not shift all the responsibility on the shoulders of the chosen one, developing their sexuality.
For many, it will be a discovery, but the complex mechanism of the female orgasm can be learned to control. Effective methods of stimulation, breathing techniques, turning off the head and other techniques are available to all girls, they can learn from special trainings or study the issue on authoritative resources.
However, if you are not yet ripe for global change, you can always use a simple, but surprisingly effective way – vaginal balls. Enter them while you are waiting for your loved one from work, and by the time you are near you will be halfway to the desired orgasm.
Most girls prefer not to have sex during periods of menstruation. For men, “these days” are usually not an obstacle, but the need for abstinence can turn into a monthly problem. However, such an imbalance is often resolved by the consent of a woman to have sex, but she still cannot relax and get her pleasure.
Is it worth restoring sexual harmony in this way? Definitely not. After all, proximity is not violence, but mutual desire and at least comfort. If sex in the first days of the cycle causes you inconvenience, honestly explain this to a partner. Moreover, there are many options to replace his needs in other ways that will give you both no less joy: various types of oral sex, manual stimulation techniques. In the end, the sex industry offers many helpers, from silicone stimulants to special stimulant lubricants.
It happens that mismatch of chronotypes, or, more simply, daily peaks of activity of partners, is taken for the difference of temperaments. For example, he is a typical “lark” and is ready for sexual exploits before breakfast (by the way, this is often the case, because in men the peak of testosterone production occurs in the morning). And your awakening is always reminiscent of anxiety, where not only are there no chances for quality sex, but there is no strength even for foreplay. Undoubtedly, such dissonance causes discomfort to those who remain deprived of attention. But if the couple is focused on dialogue, then here we can agree. First of all, do not be rude and not be offended by the partner’s refusal. And try to find some compromise time when sexual intimacy is comfortable and pleasant to both. Well, at least sometimes arrange each other holidays, whether it is a passionate night or a sex marathon on a Saturday morning.
Refusal from sex in states of stress is one of the mechanisms of psychological protection. All the forces of the body are sent to keep a person alive, healthy and adequate, without leaving a resource for libido. For some, only very serious problems or losses can become a pretext for such states, and for some, even a petty quarrel with a colleague or a mortgage payment delayed for a couple of days is enough. However, in a stressful situation, even a healthy, sexually active person can refuse sex. And this does not at all mean that something happened to his temperament (nothing happens to him) or, for example, someone appeared on the side.
When stress makes adjustments to your sexuality, the first thing to do is to show patience, understanding and empathy. As a rule, with overcoming the turmoil, desires and habitual needs return to the person. And even in the case of protracted bad conditions, you can always ask for help from a specialist. But if a completely understandable failure of a partner from intimacy turns into a problem and a reason for manipulation, it is worth thinking. After all, adult relationships are primarily support and acceptance, and sex in them is perhaps one of the most honest markers.