Our grandmothers and great-grandmothers had an iron rule – not to kiss on the first date. Times change, the crazy rhythm of life and the appearance of Tinder dictate new rules – now you will not surprise anyone even with sex at the first meeting. But as a family psychologist, I can only say one thing – sex on a first date, even if it is New Year’s Eve is not the best solution.

1. Slightly more alcohol than needed.

It seems to us, a couple of cocktails with Prosecco, and we will dance like goddesses. We are already watched with interest by men from an unfamiliar company at a nearby table or the younger brother of our girlfriend. Alcohol as a means of emancipation is not the best idea. He removes mental defenses and we become disheartened. In itself, perhaps, this is not so bad, but, firstly, not everyone can grasp that fine line between “a little bit for the mood” and “oh God, I got drunk again,” and secondly, I it seems that having fun is better for sober head. Alcohol acts as an aphrodisiac, and now we take its action for sexual desire. There are thousands of memes about the fact that you should not write to the former, if there is alcohol in the blood, but I think sex with a stranger is an even more disastrous idea.

2. Respect for your own body

I like the metaphor of the body as a temple, a temple of our soul. We come to the temple prepared – we pray, we fast, we dress specially, we do not make ourselves beautiful, in some religions we leave shoes at the entrance. And our body also requires respect for ourselves. If I treat my own body with love and respect, I’ll think about it several times before I allow myself to be touched by a stranger. The body needs time to recognize – sexual desire is associated with this person or is it just a festive holiday atmosphere.

3. Sharp erasing of boundaries

Sex is the only physiological need in which two people take part. Everything else we can do one by one. And if we are talking about casual sex, then it implies instant erasing of boundaries – physical, emotional, moral. That which usually takes time while we get to know each other, until “we” is obtained from “me” + “me”.My female practitioner teacher said, a woman needs three months for love from her heart to sink into the lower abdomen, and a man needs three months for his desire to rise from the groin to her heart. And during this time, love is born or not born. It is clear that before casual sex we do not set ourselves the task of meeting a man or a woman of our life, but it will be very offensive if, by some accident, we strongly like our partner.

4. Awkwardness after

It is from the previous cause that the awkwardness of the legs grows after. One of the stressful situations is to wake up in a strange place with a stranger and painfully recall what his name is. Even if you are an extrovert from an extrovert, and wonderfully know how to get out of such situations, it’s not a fact that your partner has the same skill. Therefore, I always recommend my clients to try to wake up in your bed, even if you have to call a taxi on the triple rate on New Year’s Eve. Because we always remember the covenant of the fairy godmother from Cinderella — at midnight the carriage turns into a pumpkin, and the enchanting magic of the first night dissipates with the first rays of the sun.

5. Sufficient basis

The New Year is in itself a wonderful holiday, a sufficient reason not to mix flies and cutlets. Therefore, casual sex is better to leave for the other 364 or 365 nights a year.

Instead of conclusion

True, if after all unplanned sex happened on the first date or you could not resist the charm of an occasional companion, you should not blame yourself. Feeling guilty is not the best way to mark the beginning of the year, so just allow yourself to get a new experience. Your sexuality does not always fit into the Procrustean bed of traditional values. Another thing, in no case should not forget about security. And one more important point – if all your acquaintances begin with sex, then this is a reason to visit a psychologist in the New Year.