Agree that family life is a little like a daily fairy tale. Sticking life, routine, paying for a mortgage, from entertainment – joint viewing of the series, from cultural events – on weekends to the father-in-law to the cottage. In school chat in the press, a serious struggle: give the teacher a slow cookeror a fancy blender for graduation. Her husband – a midlife crisis, aggravated by problems at work. I think that each of us in some crisis moments caught myself thinking – I will divorce and live peacefully. According to statistics, 70% of all divorces occur at the initiative of women.

Addicted partner

Widespread addiction to alcohol or drugs, gaming addiction – cards, sports betting, etc., including computer games, if your partner plays more than eight hours a week, dependence on extreme sports, driving at high speeds, credit addiction and many others. Why are dependencies not compatible with family life? For one simple reason – you do not live with a person, but with his problems. An additional bonus from the dear universe is codependency. It is clear that just as in the co-dependent relationship is not vlyapyvayutsya, you need to have some back-Ground relations in parent family. But this is not easier.

Who will help?

Support groups for socially dependent or individual work with a psychologist.

Physical / psychological abuse

Well here, everything seems to be clear, beat – run. But even here there are nuances. “After all, he apologized and repented, promised that he would not touch me with a finger anymore,” clients usually tell me with carefully bruised facial bruises. “I myself am to blame; I didn’t have to go to him with questions when he was annoyed,” says another, and the third truly believes that her husband will change. No, it will not change. And raise his hand again. The fourth says that she doesn’t care, even if she kills, but she cannot live without him. With psychological abuse all the same.Once again, no, it will not change. Physical abuse can lead to death, if not yours, then your partner, when you are in the heat of passion and decide to give back. Psychological abuse will destroy your self-esteem and lead to severe depression.

Who will help?

Assistance funds for women victims of domestic violence, support groups, parents.

Lack of sex

In such cases, I always remember the categorical words of my elderly teacher of family psychotherapy: “No sex – no family.” And by and large, the reasons are absolutely not important: different temperaments, health problems, fixing for porn or lack of attraction from one of the partners. If you have already tried everything – seductive lingerie, role-playing games, toys for adults, lengthy discussions, and even visited a sexologist and follow his recommendations, and now there, then divorce is inevitable. Yes, you can negotiate with your partner about “open” relationships, but sex is often overgrown with feelings, and sooner or later you will get the idea of ​​ending a marriage. Sex is not the main thing in marriage, but its absence completely undermines family life.

Who will help?

If the sexologist did not help …

Financial difficulties

Russian divorce statistics states that the most common cause of divorce in our country is alcoholism or partner drug addiction. In the US, the situation is slightly different – they are getting divorced either because of financial problems or because of adultery. The times when we were 17 years old have sunk into oblivion and we thought that “paradise is with cute and in a hut”. No, not paradise, especially in a studio apartment, especially taken in the mortgage. And if they constantly call from the bank and wonder why the payment is overdue … Financial instability can also affect the warmest relations, because one of the basic human needs is violated – safe.

Who will help?

Credit expert, lawyer in financial matters, lawyer in family law.

Gone love

And this is really a reason for divorce. In a relationship where there is genuine intimacy, love transforms over time into tenderness, affection, habit, respect. If you woke up and suddenly realized that you are not experiencing anything to a person who is sleeping on a pillow next to you, at least this is a reason to think. Wait a while, but if you’re definitely aware that there is no more love, act. The application for divorce can be submitted on the website of public services. The most common counterargument of my clients: “What about children? After all, he is a wonderful father. ” Yes, divorce is traumatic for children, but with a divorce, your ex-husband will not cease to be their dad. By the way, living in a family where there is no love between the parents is no less traumatic for children.

Who will help?

No one. Unfortunately. Or fortunately.