Blindly following other people’s advice is stupid, and trusting stupid sex advice is also dangerous.
Modern couples strive to diversify their intimate life. They spend hours on the Internet looking for new ways to satisfy. As practice shows, for 1 adequate article there are 5 with dubious content.
Self-proclaimed experts give outright ridiculous sex advice, and inexperienced enthusiasts try to put it into practice. As a result, erotomaniacs are expected at least – disappointment, and as a maximum – a long and shameful treatment by a specialist. After digging for an hour on the net, you can write a voluminous tome containing the gems of forums, eminent publications and sexology trainers. I decided to give you 20 of the strangest recommendations that should be ignored without hesitation.
1. Contraception and blinking
In a major British publication for men (I will keep the name in view of professional ethics) interesting information was published based on research by scientists. Here is an excerpt from it:
“If you want to know if a girl is using oral contraception, then look closely into her eyes. Women who take pills blink 32% more often than usual. “
I have never heard more ridiculous sex advice on the topic of contraception. First, how to count how many times a particular girl blinks in a normal state. Secondly, increased flapping of eyelashes can be associated with a host of other factors, for example, with an allergic reaction to your attempts to trace her eyelids.
2. Seduction and jaw
Another funny tip is related to the “love of women for a massive jaw.” Men with strong-willed chins are supposedly subconsciously perceived as potential sexual partners. Guys are seriously advised to play with nodules when meeting girls. Yes, I would rather think that my friend has a tick than decide to jump into his bed.
3. The pungent smell of sweat is exciting
Some anti-experts recommend having sex immediately after the gym without taking off your wet T-shirt. The strong scent should excite the female. Of course, all the girls go crazy from the smell of goat meat!
4. Nutella and blowjob
Advice for men in bed goes beyond the limits of what is adequate. To provoke a soul mate to oral stimulation, guys are recommended to meet a lady with his pants down, after dipping the head of the penis in Nutella . Like, seeing such a dessert, your beloved will not resist and will give you a blowjob right in the corridor. I am confused by the color of peanut butter. The brown substance on the penis is associated with anal sex without preparation or a condom. Ugh!
5. Pearl sex
Guys are offered to wrap a member with a pearl necklace and stuff it into their partner’s vagina. Then you should make a reciprocating motion with a slight rotation. I wonder if after the procedure you put the penis to your ear, will the girl hear the sound of the ocean?
6. The three-day rule
Sex advisors in all countries agree that a woman should be given three days to think. Necessarily three. She will definitely kiss after the third compliment, give on the third date, be ready for anal after the third vaginal contact, and so on.
Well, theoretically, let’s say the rule works. But why recommend calling at least three days after sex? Think for yourself how it looks from the point of view of a girl. She decided on sexual intercourse, and her newly-made lover is frankly dynamite.
7. Flirting with others turns on
If a guy openly flirts with other women in front of his chosen one, he allegedly provokes her libido. This stupidity is argued by the fact that envy activates latent sexual potential. Females want to prove their own superiority, including in bed.
I will not talk about other girls, but in me jealousy awakens a serial maniac. I would like to get a meat grinder and twist the boyfriend’s dick into minced meat. Then make cutlets out of the substance and feed your loved one to their fill.
8. Ginger root and anus
For a number of reasons, I was forced to read Gray by E. L. James. So there the main character wanted to shove a plug of ginger root into Anastacia’s anus. Indeed, in BDSM practices, homemade toys of this kind are used. But in the rectum of professionals, only a bald trait was not (although, maybe he was no exception).
With the release of the novel, ordinary couples decided to repeat Christian’s experiment. Before you plan a burning root and shove it into your beloved’s ass, think about what kind of hell will start happening in her anus.
9. Beating the scrotum
Sometimes it seems to me that notorious sadists write advice to girls in bed. The scrotum is the most vulnerable part of the male body. We are offered: “squeeze it like an anti-stress ball”, “scroll clockwise”, “pull it as far as possible”, “tap it with your palm”, “pinch”, “bite” and so on and so forth.
I have no eggs and thank God. For clarity, I will try to rewrite the advice to the female part of the audience. To satisfy the partner, you need to pour boiling water into her vagina, attach electrodes to the labia and start up the current, rub the nipples with solid oil and set fire to it. Men, use my recommendations and you will avenge the beating of your scrotum.
10. Penis depression
In order not to distort the facts, I will quote a literal translation from English:
“Firmly hold the lower part of the penis and push hard towards the pubis. Imagine you want to push it inside. “
Even my sick fantasy refuses to draw a picture of a guy whose abdominal cavity has swallowed a penis. Probably, a vacuum formed inside and sucked in the reproductive process. Otherwise, I cannot explain what is happening.
11. Fruit fellazio
In an effort to deliver unforgettable sensations to a man, girls turn off their brains. Magazine gurus teach aspiring blowjob girls to fill their mouths with fleshy fruits (mango, fig, avocado) and then orally stimulate their lover. According to the “mentors”, the fibers will create additional friction and intensify the orgasm.
Let’s close our eyes and imagine a hamster girl with full cheeks trying to squeeze an erect penis into a fruit porridge. The average penis can barely fit an empty mouth, causing massive salivation, let alone a fellazio with chewed mango.
12. Nipples and heels
Sex tips tie opposing body parts together. Temptresses of the XXI century need to be sophisticated to bring a lover to orgasm. Girls are obliged to use the nipples in an unusual way, namely, to tickle men’s heels. Is that how sensitive the legs have to be for the maneuver to work?
13. Saliva, strangulation and breasts
This advice for busty women is slightly perverted:
“A man should hang his head over the edge of the bed so that his neck bends a lot. The partner places the breast as deep as possible in the lover’s mouth, blocking the breath for a while and preventing the drainage of saliva. This incredibly exciting erotic game will sharpen the senses to the limit. “
I decided to google about the relationship between oxygen deprivation, saliva abundance, and orgasm strength, but the only scientific fact I found was far from sex. It turns out that 23% of night deaths of St. Bernards are due to drowning in their own saliva.
14. Bucket of edible paint
Special edible paint is sold in sex shops. The principle of use is to cover the erogenous zones and use them as brushes for painting on the lover’s body, followed by licking. On one of the forums, we are offered to apply the substance to the entire surface of the skin, and then thoroughly clean it off with our tongue.
Firstly, paints are very expensive and in order to smear a partner with a height of 180 cm, at least a 5 liter bucket is required. Secondly, the taste of the product of the erotic chemical industry is quite specific. Thirdly, your lover must do the perfect epilation, otherwise you will have a mouth full of hair.
15. Rhinestones and glue
Sex tip from the ” Luxury ” category :
“Apply eyelash glue to the crotch area and cover abundantly with rhinestones. When you spread your legs, your partner will admire the outgoing radiance and stylish appearance of the genitals. “
Yeah, even in the vagina you can stick a small speaker so that a pleasant melody can be heard from it like from a musical postcard.
16. Ice shower
Insidious, anti-human recommendation:
“To delay ejaculation, keep a spray bottle with water and ice ready. As soon as you feel that your partner is approaching orgasm, splash on his chest or face. “
Cold water helped me to wean the cat from tearing wallpaper, who knows, maybe she can cope with premature ejaculation.
17. Homemade lubricant
In the vastness of the network, there are a lot of recipes for homemade lubricants. The composition includes saliva, water, pharmacy glycerin and even engine oil. Probably, there is an acute shortage of lubricants in the country , so excessively dry lovers have to go out of their way.
18. Deodorization of the penis
The smell of the genital organ can turn a partner away from a blowjob. Often, the problem of musky aroma is solved by banal hygiene procedures. However, some men go much further and deodorize their members with improvised means. The simplest thing is to douse the penis with alcoholic cologne or brush it with toothpaste, and then try to catch the eyes rolling out from the burning sensation. A little more graceful is to dip the head in cinnamon powder. The effect, however, is similar, but the spicy notes are worth it.
19. Moans at the bell
I don’t understand the counselors who argue that guerrilla ringtone change is acceptable for bringing erotic play into everyday life. In my opinion, the best way to embarrass a spouse is to put sensual groans on the call signal. He is unlikely to want sex when, in the midst of a production meeting, the entire team hears orgasmic screams.
20. Total control
Psychologist’s advice on sex is worthy of a separate article. The girls are encouraged to become like the agents of the Gestapo and to keep a close eye on their beloved. If a partner visits the gym too often, begins to look after his appearance and sits on social networks for more than half an hour, then he is 100% cheating. Therefore, legal spouses need to implement the above ridiculous recommendations.
When reading unverified information, be extremely careful. Don’t take dubious facts on faith. It is important that the author does not hide his identity, is open to dialogue and can answer your questions. Anonymous advice is given only by notorious dreamers.