Myths about love in a car. How, where, and most importantly – why do this?

If there is a place where Americans regularly part with innocence, it’s the back seat of the car. And even if innocence has long been lost, the back seat is relevant for making love – to make sure of this, you can read any Stephen King novel or watch an American youth film. Where did all these horror films come from, where a maniac attacks a couple who has secluded themselves in a car in a dense forest? 

On a mature reflection, everything falls into place: the fact is that in America and a number of other countries, the right to drive vehicles is issued quite early, at fourteen to sixteen, so that even schoolchildren can drive their own cars. At the same time, the welfare of Americans allows you to have several cars in the family and provide them for personal use by adolescents.

We are not in America and today we are not going to go there. What can be said about the national characteristics of love in motor vehicles?

First, the already-saying “loss of innocence in the backseat of a car” seems to me nothing more than a myth. Or the feverish dream of an unsatisfied teenager. Even American. He already has a car. But the girl who is ready to lose her innocence is not there yet. Secondly, in Russia it is still unknown what interests a young man more – a girl or a car.  

As for the girls’ love for the backseat of a car, most of my acquaintances told me that they associated the moment of loss of innocence with at least champagne, candles, roses and starched sheets. The last thing they imagined was the smell of gasoline and a door lock button that rests against the ridge. 

And how do you imagine this? I am not addressing men now. It is clear that they currently imagine this in at least five different positions. In the back seat of the car, you can take a nap without much comfort, and having sex is a dubious joy. Do you want to argue with me? 

Firstly, there is not enough space for changing positions. Secondly, tough. Still, the back seat is not a feather bed. Thirdly, it’s much more interesting if you try to get in the front seat by folding it horizontally. Then you will have much more space at your disposal. 

There are extreme options when partners have an unearthly passion. Exhausted by desire, the couple barely manages to run to the car and close the door from the inside. Well, what can I say: when such a thing – and the two at the wheel are not crowded. One cannot count on such joy and recklessness for a long time. You will break the front pillars with a riot of temperament – and that’s all, the gentleman has cooled down, it’s time for the service station. Another myth about sex in a car debunked.  

Have you heard the tale about the wife who caught her husband cheating on the prints of her bare feet from the inside on the windshield of the car when it was fogged up during heating? This is how it was necessary to bend the poor woman! A decent wife should sympathize, not with her, but with her mistress, in dust and dirt, with bare heels up, she has to give the conjugal duty. The duty is marital, and it is necessary to give it to a completely foreign woman. Here she rests barefoot on cold glass and thinks: “If only there was no war”. And what, I have so great-grandmother survived three husbands. I mean, the thought “If there was no war” helped my great-grandmother to overcome all temporary difficulties, and not what you thought.    

I will not argue, in men, a lot of romantic memories can be associated with sex in the car. Why? Yes, because the place itself obliges you to speed. Women like sex less, so a man should be ready to satisfy you in any other way. Still, he is not armless and not dumb, since he got the rights, got behind the wheel and took you to a secluded place for sex.

The last thing I forgot to mention is oral sex in the car. Surely a delightful way to entertain yourself in traffic for men and dubious pleasure for a woman if she is not Sharon Stone. And not a female spaniel. What does the animal have to do with it, you ask? Spaniel Laura, my friend’s dog, drools all the time and drags everything he sees into her mouth and carefully licks. As in that joke when the husband, when he tried to remove a prostitute for oral sex on the highway, received from a groundhog pimp with the assurance that this one would not fail. After the husband arrives home, puts the groundhog in his wife’s hands and says: “Teach this guy to cook fried eggs and get out of here!” 

On a mature reflection, I come to the conclusion that after all, a car is a means of transportation, and not a room for sex. Although my husband recently rented a garage and now every evening drives there with a car to repair the last muffler. Would Freud have found ? what to say about this, right?   

event_note December 26, 2019

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