Where do the children come from?

This simple question, uttered by a child, for some reason always confuses adults. And begins the “baby talk” about sorceresses, a store and cabbage with a stork … And why not honestly say: “From an egg”? This is true!  

The life of every person begins when male and female sex cells merge together. And a single, fertilized egg is formed. It, visible only under a microscope, contains the whole future: clear blue (gray, green) eyes, thick, curly (sparse, straight) hair, long slender (curved, short) legs, a piquant mole above the upper lip, various talents (mediocrity ) …

But where is all this placed? At the core of a fertilized egg. More precisely, in those forty-six chromosomes that will direct the development of a new organism. 

Just a second before fertilization, there were 23 chromosomes in the egg (female reproductive cell). The sperm (male reproductive cell) added its own 23. And there are 46 of them. And so in every cell of the future organism (excluding the reproductive, always containing a half set of chromosomes). No more, no less.

It can be said a magic number that determines membership in the human race. Deviation in any direction entails a serious illness or is generally incompatible with development and threatens to reject the egg from the mother’s body.

You see how simple it is. From a biological point of view, which, in principle, no one bothers to convey to the child’s consciousness (taking into account his age, of course: the information should be understandable and accessible to a small person). But in moral terms, usually adults are not ready for frank conversations on this topic, especially if they are no longer a kid, but a teenager.

By the age of 10-12, the child knows quite a lot about “everyday truths” and needs more detailed information about sex. Today, teens mature much faster than during our childhood. But physical growth is not accompanied by a noticeable acceleration of personality development, the formation of its moral foundations. Yes, our children know more than we do at their age, but it is unlikely that they know how to feel and worry, like adults.  

Studies show that parents are captivated by illusions about the degree of sexual development of children. Sometimes this happens because the topic of sex is not addressed at all in the family. Sometimes adolescents feel reluctance of parents to notice their physical maturation. If you wait until the child dares to approach you with questions, you run the risk of being late. Better to act with some lead.

This does not mean that the five-year period should explain the mechanics of sexual intercourse. This means that you should not consider a teenager unable to understand at least the actual side of sexual relations (with emotional and moral aspects, everything is really more complicated). Problems usually arise not from a lack of communication, but from a lack of understanding. Adults often mean one thing, they say different, and children pick up something third, very far from the original intentions of adults. 

We must carefully weigh not only what you say, but also how, in what environment, with what emphasis. Everyone knows: from the way the phrase is pronounced, its meaning can radically change. This second communication plan is very important when it comes to sex. Even silence can make sense. The silence of a teenager may mean: “I am not interested in sex” or “I already know about this.” The silence of parents can be understood by a child as: “Sex is a forbidden topic” or “Parents are not interested in my life”. 

One can long lament over the difficulties in communicating with adolescents. But, nevertheless, adults will have to understand that children, like all people, have the right to their own feelings, judgments, mistakes, regardless of whether adults like it or not. Therefore, try to avoid mocking and criticism of the child, his appearance, habits, interests. It will bring nothing but aggravation of relations. Better to praise him than to leave a worthy act without attention. This will bring you closer to your child, which in turn will simplify your task in communicating on sex topics.

event_note March 7, 2020

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